February 2009

Help! I Make More Money Than Him

Quite often, I have female clients who insist on meeting men who make more than them.

In fact, some say that they’d rather remain single than be with a man who do not share the same social standing. I have also met countless women who never consider a man’s financial standing as a determinant for them to enter into a relationship. 

In general, men make more money than women but it is no longer surprising when women are outpacing men in the wage gap. So how does this impact a relationship especially when they are dating?

Undeniably, money is one of the biggest causes of relationship failure today. Either there is not enough money or there is just too much. Tension over finances can cause conflict in the most loving relationship.

Although problems could surface over financial imbalances, single women particularly should approach dating a single man who makes less than her as carefully as she approaches a married man who makes more than her.

Women who are financially successful feel extremely confident and strong about their abilities and positive about life in general. This however does not mean that they need to engage in power play with their men and assume the role of wearing the pants around the house.

A good relationship goes beyond power play and who makes more. Couples should learn to speak honestly and openly about their roles and their financial commitment to the relationship. Too often, the lack of communication causes the men to feel resentful, insecure and irritable when he’s constantly reminded that he is not fulfilling or cannot fulfill his role as a man. This could inevitably lead to unexpected behaviour where no one emerges better from it.

Then, there are still countless examples of “happily ever after” despite income disparity. Many confident and secure men feel completely at ease when their wives, girlfriends and partners make more than them. It also takes a special kind of woman to be completely OK with this so-called role reversal.  The key is not to take it to the extreme.

There is no “win or lose” in a healthy relationship even if the woman is earning more than the man. Sometimes a reminder of “for richer or for poor” could pull couples back to the basic reason why they entered the relationship in the first place. Ultimately, you want to get to a point where money is not so much about power since often the fear is that the person with more money has more control.

Regardless if you’re dating or married to a man who makes less than you, here are five steps to consider should you find yourself in this unique situation.

1.      Remind yourself the reasons why you love him

2.      Ask how his making less than you would make you love him any less

3.      Communicate openly, honestly and lovingly how you feel about the disparity in earning power

4.      Discuss the different contributions you will each commit to ensure that the relationship works harmoniously

5.      Remind your partner that you value them

Anisa Hassan is the Managing Director and owner of an international dating agency called It’s Just Lunch in Singapore and Bangkok. In her capacity as a professional matchmaker, she has put together hundreds of couples in fulfilling relationships despite their income brackets. For more information on how you can meet other eligible single professionals, visit www.itsjustlunchsingapore.com or www.itsjustlunchbangkok.com  

 

 






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