March 2009

Looks are Everything to Men, or is it?

"Set me up with the most beautiful girl on your database!"

I cannot remember a time when a man comes to my interview sessions and says he’s willing to compromise on looks! Although I was at first bewildered by such requirements, I have come to anticipate such remarks to the extent that I would find it strange if a man I interview never brings up the issue about "looks".

So why this fascination? Quite simply, men who come to my dating agency are looking for just that, a date!  I can safely assume that men in general are pretty focussed about doing things one step at a time. How can they think about a long term, committed relationship when they first do not have a date? Unlike women, they are not as far-sighted and visionary when it comes to dating. But I can tell you, they are certainly visual.

Over time, men have “learnt” to consider other factors when choosing a mate but for reproductive purposes, I daresay that good looks still trump good values. There are no easy explanations for such natural tendencies but women should definitely refrain from thinking that they have a slim chance at having a relationship if they are less than "perfect" in the looks department.

The beauty about this dilemma is that “looks are so subjective”  that one man’s meat is another man’s poison. Too often, men’s perceptions of looks differ from one to another. It could range from the hair colour, the skin tone, the height, the curves, the works!

Other men whom I have consulted with find a woman in a pair of torn jeans, hair pulled back and tucked under a cap with minimal makeup, super attractive! To these men, women who are confident, intelligent and armed with the verve for life possess the strength, the spunk and the spark they’re looking for.

Ultimately, modern-day singles, like generations of their ancestors, are driven by biology with men seeking the best specimens to procreate with, and women seeking the best long-term partners.

In truth, men do not go for looks as much as women go for wealth. After all, we certainly do not have that many supermodels and Bill Gates to go around. But, couples get together because of mental, emotional and spiritual chemistry. Of course the physical compatibility is also a plus.

Ultimately, a major factor in deciding if a man is interested in a woman for the long haul is in the compatibility domain. Compatibility certainly goes beyond having similar hobbies or interests. Rather, it has more to do with having similar attitudes and values. And generally, couples who feel the same way about issues such as children, religion and lifestyle are more likely to stay together. And they stay together happily because of shared values and a common vision for life PLUS the all-important daily actions that maintain a loving connection.

Anisa Hassan is the Managing Director and owner of the international dating agency It’s Just Lunch in Singapore and Bangkok. To find out how you can meet good looking women and men who appreciate good looks, visit www.itsjustlunchsingapore.com and www.itsjustlunchbangkok.com.   

 






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